I could be a CEO!

I think I found the job I want.  I want to be the CEO of a Wall Street financial firm.  Where else could you fail utterly, drive the company's stock value into the toilet, send the company into near bankruptcy and still walk away with a multi-million dollar bonus or golden parachute?!  In any other job, such a disastrous performance would get you fired and out on the street without a dime.

I'm going to write to these financial firms and offer them my services as CEO.  I could drive the company into the ground, wipe out its stock value, send it into bankruptcy, and wreck its reputation for a fraction of what their current CEOs are charging to do the same thing.  Financial firms, why pay your current CEO tens of millions to wreck the company?  I'll do if for less than half the price!